50 Funny Jokes that are Appropriate for Work
9. What’s Forrest Gump’s password? / 1forrest1.
172 Corny Jokes to Tell to Kids You Love
Remember: Dad jokes are funny as long as you think they are.
Nothing lightens the mood like the ridiculousness of a funny joke or riddling off a reserve of cheesy quips. For kids, it can definitely be a reprieve from long days cooped up at home, frustrating school days, or conflict between siblings. With older kids, it’s always a toss-up whether corny jokes will elicit a laugh or an eye-roll, and what works one day might be deemed uncool the next. But honestly, an eye-roll from a teenager is a victory in and of itself. This list of funny dad jokes has something for everyone, from animal jokes to food jokes, math jokes, and Star Wars jokes. (Everyone who likes funny jokes, that is.) And although these funnies might annoy your spouse (and any other adults nearby), they’ll make any kid laugh. So, whatever works, right?
Corny Dad Jokes About Animals
1. Why did the jaguar eat the tightrope walker? / It was craving a well-balanced meal.
2. What is a knight’s favorite fish? / Swordfish.
3. What do you call a sleeping bull? / A bulldozer.
4. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? / If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
5. Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure? / He’s a little shellfish.
6. What do you call a fish without eyes? / A fsh.
7. What do you call a pig that does karate? / A pork chop.
8. What do you call an alligator in a vest? / An in-vest-igator.
9. What do you get when you cross a lemon and a cat? / A sour puss.
10. What did the snail say when it was riding on the turtle’s back? / “Wheeee!”
11. Why don’t big cats play poker in the safari? / Too many cheetahs.
12. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? / Because they are really good at it.
13. Why couldn’t the pony sing himself a lullaby? / He was a little hoarse.
14. What do you call a duck that gets all A’s? / A wise quacker.
15. How do you catch a whole school of fish? / With bookworms.
16. What did the horse say after it tripped? / “Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”
17. How do you keep a bull from charging? / Take away its credit card.
18. What do you call an illegally parked frog? / Toad.
19. How did the black cats end their fight? / They hissed and made up.
20. Why can’t you play hockey with pigs? / They always hog the puck.
21. What do you call a snake wearing a hard hat? / A boa constructor.
22. What did one horse say to the other at the dance? / “You mustang-o with me.”
23. What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? / “Bison.”
24. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? / Because the “P” is silent.
25. Why are frogs happy? / They eat whatever bugs them!
26. What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot? / A walkie talkie.
27. What kind of footwear do frogs prefer? / Open-toed.
28. What chain can you eat? / A food chain.
Corny Dad Jokes About Food
1. What do you call a shoe made of banana peels? / Slippers.
2. Why do melons have weddings? / Because they cantaloupe.
3. Why did the baby strawberry cry? / His parents were in a jam.
4. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? / “Because she was stuffed.”
5. Bacon and eggs walk into a bar. / The bartender said, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”
6. After dinner, my wife asked if I could clear the table. / I needed a running start, but I made it!
7. I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage / The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity!
8. How do you make a lemon drop? / Just let it fall.
9. Why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory? / Lack of concentration.
10. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? / A carrot.
11. How many apples grow on trees? / All of them!
12. Why did the cookie cry? / Because his father was a wafer so long!
13. Cashier: “Would you like the milk in a bag, sir? / “Shopper: “No, just leave it in the carton!”
14. What is brown, hairy, and wears sunglasses? / A coconut on vacation.
15. A sandwich walks into a bar. / The barman says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
16. What does a nosey pepper do? / It gets jalapeno business.
17. Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach? / Because they might peel!
18. What did Obi-Wan say to Luke when he was having trouble using chopsticks? / “Use the fork, Luke.”
19. When should you go at red and stop at green? / When eating a watermelon.
20. How do you make an egg laugh? / Crack it up.
21. What do you call a toothless bear? / A gummy bear.
22. What do you call counterfeit spaghetti? / Impasta.
23. How do you turn soup into jewelry? / Add 24 carrots.
Corny Dad Jokes About Sports
1. What do skateboards and magicians have in common? / They both do tricks.
2. Why did the man get hit by a bike every day? / He was stuck in a vicious cycle.
3. If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get? / Mistletoes.
4. Why did the bike fall over? / It was two tired.
5. Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants? / In case he got a hole in one.
6. Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer? / She kept running away from the ball!
7. What lights up a soccer stadium? / A soccer match!
8. What animal is always at a baseball game? / A bat.
9. How do cyclists train for their sport? / Recycling.
Corny Dad Jokes About Locations
1. What did the ocean say to the shore? / Nothing it just waved.
2. Why are there gates surrounding cemeteries? / Because people are dying to get in.
3. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? / It’s fine now, she woke up.
4. What has ears but can’t hear? / A cornfield!
5. Why does Waldo wear stripes? / Because he doesn’t want to be spotted.
6. Did you see they made round bails of hay illegal in Wisconsin? / It’s because the cows weren’t getting a square meal.
7. What does a house put on to work? / A dress.
8. What did the ocean say when it was asked on a date? / “Shore.”
9. How do you pass a message to a fish? / Drop it a line.
10. Where does an ocean not have water? / A map.
11. How do you organize a party on Mars? / Planet.
12. What building has the most stories? / A library.
13. Why don’t trees take the bus? / They can never decide on a root.
14. What did Tennessee? / What Arkansas.
15. Where do polar bears keep their money? / In a snowbank.
16. How do billboards communicate? / Sign language.
The Corniest Potty Humor Dad Jokes
1. What did one toilet say to another? / “You look flushed.”
2. Spring is here! / I got so excited I wet my plants!
3. If you’re American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom? / Euro-peein’.
4. Do you want to hear a poop joke? / Nevermind. It’s too corny.
5. What did you get when you mix castor oil with holy water? / A religious movement.
6. Today I learned that diarrhea is hereditary. / It runs in your jeans.
7. What’s the definition of surprise? / A fart with a lump in it.
8. When is the best time to go to the restroom? / Poo-thirty.
Corny Dad Jokes About Work and The Office
1. What do you call a singing laptop? / A dell.
2. What did the policeman say to the belly button? / “You’re under a-vest.”
3. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? / Because it’s pointless.
4. What do lawyers wear to court? / Lawsuits.
5. How do vampires start letters? / Tomb it may concern…
6. What did the laundryman say to the impatient customer? / “Keep your shirt on!”
7. To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. / You have my Word!
8. Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar? / They each got six months.
9. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? / “Supplies!”
10. What’s red and bad for your teeth? / A brick.
11. If you see a robbery at an Apple store, does that make you… / An iWitness?
12. What does a baby computer call his father? / Data.
13. Why did the student eat his homework? / Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake!
14. What has four wheels and flies? / A garbage truck!
15. How does a scientist freshen her breath? / With experi-mints.
16. Why was the broom late for work? / It over-swept.
17. How do you define a farmer? / Someone who is good in their field.
18. Why do shoemakers go to heaven? / They all have good soles.
19. How do astronauts get their children to sleep? / Rocket.
20. What do you call music for chiropractors? / Hip-hop.
Spooky Dad Jokes
1. What do you call someone with no body and no nose? / Nobody Knows.
2. Which school subject was the witch’s favorite? / Spelling!
3. What do you call a boring dinosaur? / A dino-snore!
4. What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? / Chocolate chip wookiee.
5. What do elves learn in school? / The elf-abet.
6. Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift? / She had bad blood.
7. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? / He couldn’t see himself doing it.
8. Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? / Because he was sitting on the deck!
9. What do you call a blind dinosaur? / A do-you-think-he-saw-us.
10. What did Cinderella say when her photos didn’t show up? / “Someday my prints will come!”
11. What did one snowman say to the other? / “Can you smell carrots?
12. How does the moon cut his hair? / Eclipse it.
13. How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? / With a pumpkin patch.
14. What does Kermit the Frog and Attila the Hun have in common? / They both have the same middle name.
15. Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space? / He wanted to find Pluto!
16. Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? / Because she will let it go.
Top-Tier Corny Dad Jokes
1. I sold my vacuum the other day. / All it was doing was collecting dust.
2. What did the hat say to the scarf? / “You hang around, and I’ll go ahead.”
3. What did the right eye say to the left eye? / “Between you and me, something smells.”
4. How do you make Lady Gaga mad? / Poke her face.
5. Did you hear I’m reading a book about anti-gravity? / It’s impossible to put down.
6. What does a spy do when he gets cold? / He goes undercover.
7. Why did the kid cross the playground? / To get to the other slide.
8. Why did Mozart sell his chickens? / Because they kept saying “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
9. What’s Forrest Gump’s password? / 1forrest1.
10. Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? / Because then it’d be a foot.
11. Why is the grass so dangerous? / It’s full of blades.
12. What’s brown and sticky? / A stick.
13. It’s not appropriate to make a dad joke if you’re not a dad. / It’s a faux pa.
14. I like telling Dad jokes. / Sometimes he laughs!
15. What do you call a man named David without an ID? / Dav.
16. Can February march? / No, but April may.
17. What kind of bow is never crossed? / A rainbow.
18. What beans never grow? / Jelly beans.
Corny Birthday Jokes
1. How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? / They relish the moment.
2. What kind of birthday cake do you get for a coffee lover? / Choco-latte.
3. How do you wish a tree a happy birthday? / Sappy birthday!
4. What did the elephant want for its birthday? / A trunk full of gifts.
5. Why did the muffin go to the doctor’s office? / It was feeling crumby.
6. Why did the child hit their birthday cake with a hammer? / It was a pound cake.
7. What birthday cake do ghosts like? / I Scream Cake.
8. What do clams like to do on their birthday? / Shell-ebrate.
9. What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? / Pop music.
10. From where should you get a birthday present for your cat? / A catalog.
11. Why did the child get soap as a birthday present? / Because it was a soap-prise party!
12. Which year did I celebrate my birthday for only 30 seconds? / My 32nd birthday.
13. Why did the astronaut leave the party early? / She needed a little more space.
14. What kind of cake should you eat if you’re sick on your birthday? / Coffee (cough-e) cake.
15. What kind of candle burns longer than others? / None, silly — they all burn shorter.
16. What kind of birthday cake is hard as a rock? / Marble cake.
17. How do you know if a birthday cake is sad? / Look for the tiers.
18. What will you do if no one comes to your birthday party? / You’ll have your cake and eat it, too.
19. Why do candles love birthdays? / They like to get lit.
20. What does every birthday end with? / The letter Y.
21. Why did the bakery get robbed? / Robbers heard the cakes were rich.
22. Why were there balloons in the bathroom? / For the birthday potty.
23. What did the cake say to the ice cream? / “I think you’re cool.”
24. What do they call you when you attend a ghost birthday? / The life of the party.
Cringey Dad Jokes
1. Why did the eggs all break? / Because they cracked each other up.
2. What kind of tree fits in your hand? / A palm tree.
3. What did the sink say to the toilet? / “You look flushed.”
4. Which building has the most stories? / A library.
5. Why did the student eat their homework? / Because the teacher said it was piece of cake.
6. What song do you sing a snowman on his birthday? / Freeze a jolly good fellow.
7. What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish? / You can’t tuna fish.
8. Why did the koala get the job? / He was koalafied.
9. Why did you get fired from the calendar factory? / I took too many days off.
10. What do you call an alligator in a vest? / An investigator.
50 Funny Jokes that are Appropriate for Work
Whether you’re at a new job and trying to get to know people, breaking the ice before a meeting or just want to provide some comic relief at the office, these jokes are guaranteed to bring out the smiles.
Your workplace can be a stressful environment but whipping out a few jokes can lighten the tension and help people better connect. The next time somebody needs a pick-me-up, search this list for 50 funny jokes that won’t land you in trouble with your boss!
Clean and funny jokes for the office
- What’s the best thing about teamwork? Someone else to blame.
- What kind of award does the world’s top dentist get? A little plaque.
- How does NASA organize a party? They planet.
- Why do I drink coffee? I like to do stupid things faster and with more energy.
- What’s it called when you steal somebody’s coffee? A mugging.
- What does a baby computer call his father? Data
- What’s the best way to make a small fortune in the stock market? Start off with a big fortune.
- Why did the computer sneeze? It had a virus.
- How do you tell if an accountant is an extrovert? If he looks at your shoes when he talks to you instead of his own.
- What does a gossiping coffee do? Spill the beans.
- You know what can really ruin a Friday? Remembering it’s Thursday.
- What kind of sugar does Lady Gaga like in her coffee? Raw raw raw raw raw.
- Why can you never trust spiders? Because they post stuff on the web.
- What is an alien’s favorite place on a computer? The space bar.
- How does a coffee snob take their coffee? Seriously. Very seriously.
- How many computer programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, that’s a hardware issue.
- Who wins in a fight between Sunday and Monday? Sunday, because Monday is a weekday.
- How do construction workers party? They raise the roof!
- What is the best way to criticize your boss? Very quietly, so he cannot hear you.
- What’s the difference between a lawyer and God? God doesn’t think he’s a lawyer.
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- How can you tell if you’ve found a good tax accountant? If he has a loophole named after him.
- Why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory? They took a day off.
- How are coffee beans like teenagers? Both are always getting grounded
- Why are chemists great at solving problems? Because they have all the solutions
- Where do computers go to dance? The disk-o
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Funny one-liner jokes for work
- Our computers went down at the office today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me fifteen minutes to shuffle the cards for Solitaire.
- To make an error is human, to blame it on someone else shows management potential.
- A worker walks into his boss’s office and says “I’ve got three companies after me right now, so if you want me to stay here, I’ll need a 5% raise.” The boss agrees and the man gets up to leave. As he’s walking out the door, his boss asks “What are the three companies after you?” The man replies “The electric company, the water company, and the gas company.”
- I get plenty of exercise at work: jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.
- All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t buy happiness.
- I went for an interview today and they told me I’d start at $3000 a month and then after six months, I’d get $3500 a month. I told them I’d start in six months.
- I got a job at a paperless office. Everything was great until I needed to use the bathroom.
- The first five days after the weekend are the hardest.
- Some say the glass is half full, others say the glass is half empty. Engineers say the glass is twice as big as necessary.
- Lately, coworkers have been writing names on the food in the office fridge. I’m currently eating a sandwich named Kevin.
- A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a workstation…
- I always tell new hires “Don’t think of me as your boss. Think of me as your friend who can fire you.”
- When I got to work this morning, my boss stormed up to me and said angrily “You missed work yesterday, didn’t you?” I said, “No, not particularly.”
- My resume is just a list of things I hope you never ask me to do.
- The reason we “nod off to sleep” is so that it looks like we’re emphatically agreeing to everything when we fall asleep at boring work meetings.
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- The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person who upset you.
- I use artificial sweetener at work. I add it to everything I say to my boss.
- What did the computer do at lunchtime? Had a byte.
- If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer…oh wait, he does.
- People always say that hard work never killed anybody. But really, have you ever heard of anybody resting themselves to death?
- I used to work for the paper business. But then it folded.
- A salesperson came into an office one day and said “This computer will cut your workload by 50%!” The office manager replied “Great, I’ll take two of them!”
- I tried starting a hot air balloon business, but it never took off.
- One astronaut said to the other “I can’t find any milk.” The other replied “In space, no one can. Here, use cream.”
- My boss told me to have a good day…so I went home!
Lightening up the mood at the office with these work-friendly jokes will make you a favorite with your co-workers and your boss! Plus, keeping things appropriate ensures you never have to worry about going too far or getting in trouble for poor humor. The only thing you might be guilty of is telling corny jokes that get a few eye rolls along with a little grin. Either way, they will accomplish their purpose. A little laughter goes a long way to boosting your company culture.
Kelsey Caldwell is a realtor and freelance writer from Charlotte, NC. She and her husband are parents to two amazing kids, a puppy, and a rabbit.
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