150 Jokes for Kids That Can Help Spread Some Laughs and Raise Cash
Q: What are the strongest days of the week?
100 Funny Jokes for Kids
Flex your funny bone with these kid-approved jokes that will keep every member of the family in stitches. Pick a category or take turns going down the list to see how many you get right. Keep the list handy for road trips or to make mealtime more fun! While you’re at it, check out this list of 100 dad jokes to keep the laughs rolling.
Animal Jokes
- What animal loves a baseball game?
A bat. - What did the Dalmatian say after finishing her breakfast?
That hit the spot. - What is black and white and red all over?
An embarrassed zebra. - Where is a cow’s favorite place to go?
The mooooovies. - What do you call an alligator that solves mysteries?
An investi-gator. - Why didn’t the frog park his car on the street?
He didn’t want to get toad. - What’s a cat’s favorite color?
Purrr-ple. - What do ducks love to put in their soup?
Quakers. - Why did the lion spit out the clown?
He tasted funny. - What has six eyes but cannot see?
Three blind mice.
Space Jokes
- What is an astronaut’s favorite button on a keyboard?
The spacebar. - How do you know when the moon has had enough to eat?
When it’s full. - What do planets love to read?
Comet books. - What do Martians like to drink?
Gravi-TEA. - What is an astronaut’s favorite meal of the day?
Launch. - Why did the alien go to the doctor?
He was looking a little green. - What did Venus say to Saturn?
Give me a ring. - What do you call ticks in space?
Luna-ticks. - What do planets sing in a choir?
Nep-tunes. - Why did the sun refuse to go to school?
It already had a million degrees.
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Weather Jokes
- What’s a tornado’s favorite game to play at a party?
Twister. - What fruit has to put on sunscreen at the beach?
Bananas – because they peel. - What doesn’t get any wetter no matter how much it rains?
The ocean. - What is a gust of wind’s favorite color?
Blew. - Why did the woman take a ketchup bottle outside when it was raining?
Because it was raining cats and hot dogs. - What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear. - Where do happy lightning bolts live?
Cloud nine. - What does a ghost wear to splash in puddles?
BOOOOOOOts. - What did one hurricane say to the other hurricane?
I have my eye on you. - What is the sky’s favorite accessory?
A rainbow.
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Food Jokes
- What do you call a sad strawberry?
A blueberry. - What is a banana’s favorite footwear?
Slippers. - What food is never on time?
Choco-late. - Why did the melon go for a swim?
It wanted to be a watermelon. - Where do hamburgers go dancing?
At meat-balls. - What do ghosts eat for dessert?
Ice-SCREAM. - What type of bagel loves to fly?
A plane bagel. - What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho-cheese. - Why didn’t jelly trust the peanut butter with a secret?
It spreads too easily.
Music Jokes
- What’s an avocado’s favorite kind of music?
Guac and roll! - Why couldn’t the man open the piano?
The keys were left inside. - What type of music do frogs like?
Hip-hop. - What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?
A tuba toothpaste. - What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can’t tuna fish. - Why did the girl sit on the ladder to sing her solo?
She wanted to hit the high notes. - Why did the pianist put his head on the piano?
He was trying to play by ear. - What instrument do turkeys play?
The drumstick. - How do you make a bandstand?
Take away the chairs.
Pirate Jokes
- What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr! - Why do pirates love to go shopping?
They always find things on sail. - Why are pirates so difficult to get along with?
They always arrrr-gue. - What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of fish?
Swordfish. - Why couldn’t the pirates play cards?
They were all standing on the deck. - What type of haircut does a pirate love to wear?
A crew cut. - Why couldn’t the pirate stop watching her favorite show?
She was hooked. - How did the pirate call his mother?
On his aye-phone. - What do pirates wear when it gets cold?
Arrr-gyle sweaters. - What exercise does a pirate like best?
Planking.
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Dinosaur Jokes
- What type of dinosaur sleeps all the time?
A dino-snore. - Why did the dinosaur go to the doctor?
He had an eye-saur. - What do you call a dinosaur ghost?
A scaredactyl. - How did the dinosaur build her house?
With a dino-saw. - What do you call twin dinosaurs?
Pair-odactyls! - What do you call a dinosaur that knows a lot of words?
A thesaurus! - Who do dinosaurs cheer for at a rodeo?
Bronco-saurus. - What do you call a dinosaur that asks a lot of deep questions?
A philosiraptor. - Why should you never ask a dinosaur to read a story if you are in a hurry?
Their tales are too long. - Why don’t you see dinosaurs at Easter?
Because they are egg-stinct.
School Jokes
- Why are math books always upset?
They have a lot of problems. - What is the smartest animal?
Fish! They are always in school. - Why do calculators make the best friends?
You can count on them. - What’s a snake’s favorite subject?
Hissss-tory. - What did the glue say to the teacher?
I’m stuck on you! - Why was the bird sent to the principal’s office?
She was caught tweeting. - Why was the broom late for school?
He over-swept. - How do fish get to school in the morning?
They take the octobus. - How do you get straight A’s?
Use a ruler. - Why are squares and triangles always exercising?
They want to stay in shape.
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Cross the Road Jokes
- Why did the rubber chicken cross the road?
To stretch her legs. - Why did the turkey cross the road?
To show he wasn’t chicken. - Why did the fish cross the road?
To get to the other tide. - How did the egg cross the road?
It scrambled across. - Why did the lamb cross the road?
To get to the baaaaarber shop. - Why did the snake cross the road?
To get to the other ssssssside! - Why did the baby skeleton cross the road?
Because her mummy was on the other side. - Why did the nose cross the road?
It was tired of getting picked on. - Why did the plate get stuck on the road?
It saw a fork ahead. - Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the shell station. - Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn’t have the guts.
Holiday Jokes
- What music is best to listen to on St. Patrick’s Day?
Shamrock and roll. - What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes. - Why did Santa get a parking ticket on Christmas Eve?
He was parked in a snow parking zone. - What type of flower should you not give on Valentine’s Day?
Cauli-flower. - Where does the Easter Bunny eat breakfast?
IHOP. - How do gingerbread people make their beds?
With cookie sheets. - Why does the Easter Bunny’s hair always look so good?
He uses a lot of hare spray. - What do you get when a snowman crosses a vampire?
Frostbite. - Why do leprechauns love to garden?
They have green thumbs. - Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to the Valentine’s dance?
His heart wasn’t in it.
Sports Jokes
- Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
He had a hole in one. - Why are cookies and milk a basketball team’s favorite dessert?
They love to dunk. - What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch you later! - Why do basketball players carry extra napkins?
They are always dribbling. - Why did the football coach go to the bank?
To get his quarter back. - Why do tennis players make the worst neighbors?
They make a lot of racquet. - What is an insect’s favorite sport?
Cricket. - What sport do hairdressers love the most?
Curling. - What is a cheerleader’s favorite drink?
Root beer.
Make your family time more enjoyable with a few of these jokes to create some laughter. A little laughter brightens the mood and makes the random moments of life more joy-filled. Spend time with the crew and LOL with these great jokes then add a few of your own! Also, be sure to try out a few of these knock knock jokes to spice things up.
Courtney McLaughlin is a freelance writer in Charlotte, N.C. She gratefully shares her life, home and heart with her daughter and their dog.
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150 Jokes for Kids That Can Help Spread Some Laughs and Raise Cash
We could all use a little laugher right now, which is why Red Nose Day is inviting everyone to join the Joke-Ha-Thon! Families across the country are invited to share their best jokes to raise money to support children in need – especially those impacted by COVID-19.
To get involved, all you need to do is donate, pick your favorite jokes for kids, and share a video on social media. Then tag someone and challenge them to do the same!
It’s a simple way to give back and have a little fun. Even though we’re all at home, we can still come together to help children living in poverty.
You’re Going to Need Some Jokes for Kids
So you’ve decided to join the Joke-Ha-Thon, you’ve donated and your family is IN.
Now you just need the right jokes for kids. That’s why we’ve compiled the top 150 puns, one-liners, etc. that are guaranteed to make everyone laugh.
So what are you waiting for?
>Pick your faves from below and start raising some laughs.
Behold: The Jokes for Kids!
Q: Why did the cell phone get glasses?
A: Because she lost all her contacts.
Q: How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
A: He gave her a ring.
Q: What’s the most popular video game at the bread bakery?
A: Knead for Speed.
Q: Why is Santa good at karate?
A: He has a black belt.
Q: Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts?
A: Beast Buy.
Q: What did the snowflake say to the road?
A: Let’s stick together.
Q: Why did the turkey join a band?
A: So he could use his drumsticks.
Q: What’s a math teacher’s favorite winter sport?
A: Figure skating.
Q: Where do werewolves buy Christmas gifts?
A: Beast Buy.
Q: What did the snowflake say to the road?
A: Let’s stick together.
Q: Why did the turkey join a band?
A: So he could use his drumsticks.
Q: What’s a math teacher’s favorite winter sport?
A: Figure skating.
Q: What’s a firefly’s favorite dance?
A: The glitterbug.
Q: Why are eyeshadow, lipstick, and mascara never mad at each other?
A: Because they always make-up
Q: Where do roses sleep at night?
A: In their flowerbed
Q: Why was the show bad at gymnastics?
A: She was a flip-flop
Q: What should you wear to a tea party?
A: A t-shirt
Q: What’s rain’s favorite accessory?
A: A rainbow
Q: Where does a sink go dancing?
A: The Dish-co
Q: What’s a princess’s favorite time?
A: Knight time.
Q: Why did the Genie get mad?
A: Because he was rubbed the wrong way.
Q: What’s a ballerina’s favorite type of bread?
A: A bun.
Q: What kind of dance was the frog prince best at?
A: Hip hop.
Q: What do bunnies like to do at the mall?
A: Shop ‘til they hop.
Q: How did the beauty school student do on her manicure test?
A: She nailed it.
Q: What is corn’s favorite music?
A: Pop.
Q: Why can’t Monday lift Saturday?
A: It’s a weak day.
Q: Why was the politician out of breath?
A: He was running for office.
Q: What is a soccer player’s favorite chemical element?
A: Goooooooooooold!
Q: Why did the fastest cat in class get kicked out of school?
A: He was a cheetah.
Q: Which state has the greatest number of jokes?
A: Pennsylvania.
Q: Where is the best place to sit when a submarine is diving?
A: Inside.
Q: Why did the lawyer show up in court in his underwear?
A: He forgot his lawsuit.
Q: Why was the teenager no longer allowed online without a license?
A: He crashed the computer
Q: What’s a ball that you don’t throw, shoot, eat, spit, bounce, or catch?
A: An eyeball.
Q: What do turtles, eggs, and beaches all have?
A: Shells.
Q: What time of year do people get injured the most?
A: In the fall.
Q: Why did the quarterback take the hardest classes?
A: Because he knew he would pass.
Q: Why did the musician throw away her table?
A: Because it was flat.
Q: Why didn’t the farmer’s son study medicine?
A: Because he wanted to go into a different field?
Q: What is the math teacher’s favorite dessert?
A: Pi
Q: Why was the princess in the emergency room?
A: Because she broke her crown.
Q: Why is Peter Pan flying all the time?
A: He Neverlands!
Q: Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?”
A: Because every play has a cast.
Q: Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
A: He just needed a little space.
Q: Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
A: Because they make everything up.
Q: What does a nosy pepper do?
A: Gets jalapeno business!
Q: How do you keep a bagel from getting away?
A: Put a lox on it.
Q: What did the left eye say to the right eye?
A: Between you and me, something smells
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An impasta!
Q: What do you call a pony with a cough?
A: A little horse.
Q: What did one hat say to the other?
A: You wait here. I’ll go on a head.
Q: What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?
A: This tastes a little funny.
Q: Why did the frog take the bus to work today?
A: His car got toad away.
Q: What is an astronaut’s favorite part on a computer?
A: The space bar.
Q: Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?
A: They each got six months.
Q: How do poets say hello?
A: Hey, haven’t we metaphor?
Q: Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
A: Because he lost his filling.
Q: Why do bees have sticky hair?
A: Because they use honeycombs
Q: Why aren’t koalas actual bears?
A: They don’t meet koalafications.
Q: How do you throw a space party?
A: You planet.
Q: Why did it get so hot in the baseball stadium after the game?
A: All of the fans left.
Q: What do you call a train carrying bubblegum?
A: A chew-chew train.
Q: What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A: A can’t opener.
Q: Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
A: He won the “no-bell” prize
Q: What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
A: Supplies!
Q: What did the buffalo say when his son left?
A: Bison!
Q: Have you heard the rumor about butter?
A: Nevermind, I shouldn’t be spreading it.
Q: What did the DNA say to the other DNA?
A: Do these genes makes me look fat?
Q: What does a spider’s bride wear?
A: A webbing dress.
Q: What did one firefly say to the other?
A: You glow, girl!
Q: Where do you learn to make banana splits?
A: At sundae school.
Q: What did the tree say to the wind?
A: Leaf me alone!
Q: What kind of shoes do all spies wear?
A: Sneak-ers.
Q: Why was the math book sad?
A: Because it had so many problems
Q: Why did the computer do to the doctor?
A: It had a virus.
Q: What are the strongest days of the week?
A: Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weak days.
Q: Which letter of the alphabet has the most water?
A: The “C”!
Q: What gets wet while it’s drying?
A: A towel.
Q: Why can’t your head be 12 inches long?
A: Because then it would be a foot.
Q: What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A: A dino-snore.
Q: What is fast, loud, and crunchy?
A: A rocket chip.
Q: What did one plate say to the other plate?
A: Dinner is on me.
Q: Why did the student eat his homework?
A: Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
Q: Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other?
A: Dill with it.
Q: How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
A: You rocket.
Q: What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?
A: Spelling.
Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A: Because 7, 8, 9
Q: When does a joke become a “dad” joke?
A: When the punchline is a parent.
Q: What do you call a duck that gets all the A’s?
A: A wise quacker.
Q: What kind of water cannot freeze?
A: Hot water
Q: What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A: A palm tree
Q: What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
A: Hailing taxis!
Q: How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?
A: About a buck an ear.
Q: What animal is always at a baseball game?
A: A bat.
Q: What falls in winter but never gets hurt?
A: Snow.
Q: What building in New York has the most stories?
A: The public library.
Q: How does the moon cut his hair?
A: Eclipse it.
Q: How does a scientist freshen their breath?
A: With experi-mints!
Q: What happens when the clock strikes 13?
A: Time to get a new clock
Q: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
A: Ten-tickles
Q: What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?
A: A tuba toothpaste
Q: Where do pencils go on vacation?
A: Pencil-vania
Q: What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A: A dino-snore!
Q: What has ears but cannot hear?
A: A cornfield.
Q: What did the left eye say to the right eye?
A: Between us, something smells!
Q: What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A: A palm tree!
Q: What animal is always at a baseball game?
A: A bat.
Q: How does the moon cut his hair?
A: Eclipse it.
Q: Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window?
A: Because he wanted to see time fly
Q: What do you call a fish without an eye?
A: A fsh.
Q: What does bread do on vacation?
A: Loaf around.
Q: When does a joke become a “dad” joke?
A: When the punchline is a parent
Q: What did one eye say to the other eye?
A: Between us, something smells!
Q: Can February March?
A: No, but April May.
Q: What kind of vegetable is angry?
A: A steamed carrot!
Q: Where do rocks like to sleep?
A: Bedrock!
Q: What did the reporter say to the ice cream?
A: “What’s the scoop?”
Q: What time is it when the clock strikes 13?
A: Time to get a new clock.
Q: What is a computer’s favorite snack?
A: Computer chips
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: Because he felt crummy.
Q: Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
A: Because she was stuffed.
Q: What did one plate say to the other plate?
A: Dinner is on me.
Q: What do cakes and baseball teams have in common?
A: They both need a good batter.
Q: How do squids get to school?
A: They take an octobus.
Q: What did the reporter say to the ice cream?
A: “What’s the scoop?”
Q: Why did the girl put her cake in the freezer?
A: She wanted to ice it.
Q: Why couldn’t the pony sing a lullaby?
A: She was a little horse.
Q: Why are cats good at video games?
A: Because they have nine lives.
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: Because he felt crummy.
Q: What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A: A dino-snore.
Q: What did the left eye say to the right eye?
A: Between us, something smells.
Q: Why is Cinderella so bad at soccer?
A: Because she always runs away from the ball!
Q: What’s a banana peel’s favorite type of shoe?
A: Slippers.
Q: Where do polar bears keep their money?
A: In a snowbank.
Q: Why was the broom late for school?
A: It overswept.
Q: What has hundreds of ears but cannot hear a thing?
A: A cornfield.
Q: How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?
A: You use a pumpkin patch.
Q: What genre of music does a mummy like the best?
A: Wrap.
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars?
A: Because you can see right through them.
Q: What genre of music does a mummy like the best?
A: Wrap.
Q: Why are skeletons so calm?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin.
Q: What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?
A: A spelling bee.
Q: Where do you learn to make banana splits?
A: At sundae school.
Q: Where do hamburgers go to dance?
A: They go to the meat-ball.
Q: Which letter of the alphabet has the most water?
A: The “C”!
Q: How do you know when the moon has had enough to eat?
A: When it’s full!
Q: What kind of shoes do all spies wear?
A: Sneak-ers.
Q: What’s a snake’s favorite subject?
A: Hissssstory.
Q: Why did the dog do so well in school?
A: Because he was the teacher’s pet!
Q: What are the strongest days of the week?
A: Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weak days.
Q: How does the ocean say hello?
A: It waves.
Q: Why can’t your head be 12 inches long?
A: Because then it would be a foot!
Q: What’s the most detailed-oriented ocean?
A: The Pacific
Q: What kind of drink can be bitter and sweet?
A: Reali-tea
Q: Why do bees have sticky hair?
A: Because they use a honeycomb
Q: Why did the man fall down the well?
A: Because he couldn’t see that well.
Q: Why is Peter Pan always flying?
A: Because he Neverlands.
Q: What did the flowers do when the bride walked down the aisle?
A: They rose.
Q: How do you row a canoe filled with puppies?
A: Bring out the doggy paddle.
Q: What kind of music do chiropractor’s like?
A: Hip pop
Q: Why did the kid cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide.
Q: How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
A: You rocket!
So what’s your favorite jokes for kids? Let us know!
Jokes provided by Scholastic, the Try Not to Laugh Challenge, Reader’s Digest, and Care.com