113 Hilarious Corny Jokes That’ll Make You Laugh
15. Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?
80 Hilariously Funny Jokes to Make Your Friends and Family Laugh
Just try to keep a straight face at these one-liners.
Need a laugh? We found the funniest jokes around to tell all of your friends and family. You’ll be sure to brighten someones day when you unleash a hilarious joke when they least expect it. And you don’t have to worry about these being clean: All of our favorite jokes are fit for kids and adults. In addition to the 70 jokes below, we’ve also got dad jokes, jokes for kiddos, mom jokes, and jokes for holidays that you can share them with the youngest person in the room (be sure to bookmark our April Fool’s jokes for next year!)
Get ready: Some of what’s to come is quite punny. Some might even make your eyes roll. But, deep down, if we are honest, who doesn’t smile at corny jokes? Others might even make you laugh so hard you cry, so don’t say we didn’t warn you. Many are one-liners so you can remember them to share and share again, and your kids can retell them to their friends too, maybe even years later. Now get ready to make some memories filled with laughter with these 70 hilariously funny jokes!
- What falls, but never needs a bandage? The rain.
- I was going to tell you a joke about boxing but I forgot the punch line.
- I’m not a fan of spring cleaning. Let’s be honest, I’m not into summer, fall, or winter cleaning either.
- Why did the egg hide? It was a little chicken.
- What did the dirt say to the rain? If you keep this up, my name will be mud!
- Why couldn’t the sunflower ride its bike? It lost its petals.
- What’s an egg’s favorite vacation spot? New Yolk City.
- I ate a sock yesterday. It was very time-consuming.
- What kind of candy do astronauts like? Mars bars.
- I wanted to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any.
- I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
- What month is the shortest of the year? May, it only has three letters.
- What did the snail who was riding on the turtle’s back say? Wheeeee!
- I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.
- What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
- I used to run a dating service for chickens, but I was struggling to make hens meet.
- Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?” Because every play has a cast.
- What does a pig put on dry skin? Oinkment.
- What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? A meltdown.
- My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. They’re his watch dogs.
- Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
- How do you open a banana? With a mon-key.
- Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch cold.
- What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner’s on me.
- Why do oranges wear sunscreen? So they don’t peel.
- My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
- What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
- Where does Batman go to the bathroom? The batroom.
- What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little horse.
- What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
- What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!
- Why didn’t the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.
- What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
- How did the pig get to the hogspital? In a hambulance.
- I’m so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed!
- Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he had a great fall.
- What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
- Why did the cow jump over the moon? The farmer had cold hands.
- A termite walks into a bar and says, “So, is the bar tender here?”
- How does an octopus go into battle? Well-armed.
- What do you call a pudgy psychic? A four-chin teller.
- What do you get when you mix a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a ghost? A cocker-poodle boo.
- How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
- What does a pickle say when he wants to play cards? “Dill me in!”
- How much money does a pirate pay for corn? A buccaneer.
- Where do young trees go to learn? Elementree school.
- Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
- How did the student feel when he learned about electricity? Totally shocked.
- What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A Maybe.
- Why was six afraid of seven? Because 7-8-9.
- If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
- I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.
- What do you call a hippie’s wife? Mississippi.
- Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a-salted.
- How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree? By the bark.
- What did the buffalo say when his kid went to college? Bison.
- What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I’m dressing.
- What’s the stinkiest planet? Poopiter.
- What did one wall say to the other? I’ll meet you at the corner.
- Why don’t sharks eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
- A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?”
- What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye matey.
- What’s black and white and goes round and round? A penguin in the washing machine.
- How do you organize a space party? You planet.
- Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
- Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it.
- Why did the student eat his homework? Because his teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
- What did one hat say to the other? You wait here, I’ll go on ahead.
- What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car? Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
- I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
- What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick.
- What did the full glass say to the empty glass? You look drunk.
- How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
- Why don’t we see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
- What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One’s pretty heavy and the other’s a little lighter.
- Did you hear the one about the roof? Never mind, it’s over your head.
- I used to hate facial hair. but then it grew on me.
- A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie was everywhere.
- What’s a ninja’s favorite type of shoes? Sneakers.
- What’s the best smelling insect? A deodor-ant.
- What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear.
- Why was the coach yelling at the vending machine? He wanted his quarter back.
Jill Gleeson is a travel journalist and memoirist based in the Appalachian Mountains of western Pennsylvania who has written for websites and publications including Good Housekeeping, Woman’s Day, Country Living, Washingtonian, Gothamist, Canadian Traveller, and EDGE Media Network. Jill is the travel editor for Enchanted Living. Learn more about her journey at gleesonreboots.com.
113 Hilarious Corny Jokes That’ll Make You Laugh
Kids and adults will love these dad-joke-esque quips.
Any true comedian will tell you that there is an art to telling jokes. Between the setup, the build and the punchline, pulling together a quip that is both engaging and funny can be hard to pull off. Luckily, when it comes to the best corny jokes, the pressure is less.
When it comes to corny jokes, you don’t need an entire structure to get a good laugh out of your audience (especially when they’re your friends and family.) Instead, you can memorize a few of the dad jokes and funny puns on this list that’ll be sure to elicit a good chuckle or a hearty belly laugh from anyone within earshot. These jokes are perfect for kids, tweens, teens and adults.
Best Corny Jokes of All Time
- What did the horse say after it tripped?
Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
2. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the “P” is silent.
3. What do you call a well-balanced horse?
4. What do you call an angry carrot?
A steamed veggie.
5. Where do polar bears keep their money?
6. How do you make an egg-roll?
7. What would bears be without bees?
8. What do you call a pile of cats?
9. Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
10. Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two tired.
11. What did the triangle say to the circle?
12. RIP, boiling water.
You will be mist.
13. Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
14. I ordered a chicken and an egg online.
I’ll let you know what comes first.
15. Why was Cinderella so bad at soccer?
She kept running away from the ball!
16. What do lawyers wear to court?
17. What do elves learn in school?
18. Where was King David’s temple located?
19. What did one toilet say to another?
You look flushed.
20. What lights up a soccer stadium?
21. What does corn say when it gets a compliment?
22. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
23. What’s red and bad for your teeth?
24. What do sprinters eat before they race?
Nothing. They fast.
25. What has more lives than a cat?
A frog, because it croaks every day.
26. Why was the fish’s grades bad?
They were below sea level.
27. What’s Forrest Gump’s password?
28. What do you call a fish without an eye?
29. Why shouldn’t you use a broken pencil?
Because it’s pointless.
30. What do you call a pig that practices karate?
31. What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
32. What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race?
33. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pen?
Because it’s pointless.
34. Why can’t you trust the king of the jungle?
Because he’s always lion.
35. What did one wall say to the other?
“I’ll meet you at the corner.”
36. What do sea monsters eat?
37. What do you call a sad strawberry?
38. Why are pirates called pirates?
They just ARRRR!
39. How do you organize a space party?
40. Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
41. What do cows read the most?
42. I lost an electron.
You really have to keep an ion them!
43. What do clouds wear under their shorts?
44. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
45. What did 0 say to 8?
46. How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
47. What did the drummer name her twin daughters?
48. What did the lettuce say to the celery?
Quit stalking me!
49. What’s small and red and has a rough voice?
A hoarse raddish!
50. Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties?
Because they are such fungis.
51. Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
52. Why couldn’t the bad sailor learn the alphabet?
Because he always got lost at “C.”
53. What kind of cheese isn’t yours?
54. What does a spy do when he is cold?
He goes undercover.
55. How does the moon cut his hair?
56. When do computers overheat?
When they need to vent.
57. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
58. If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get?
59. What’s brown and sticky?
60. What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
61. How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring.
62. What did the cucumber say to the pickle?
You mean a great dill to me.
63. Why didn’t the melons get married?
Because they cantaloupe.
64. Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Well, I’m not going to go spreading it!
65. What happens when a snowman throws a tantrum?
He has a meltdown.
66. What goes up and down but doesn’t move?
67. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because he felt crumby.
68. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
69. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?
70. What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he was fired?
71. Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
72. Why did the belt go to jail?
Because it held up a pair of pants.
73. Where does the general put his armies?
In his sleevies.
74. What do you call a magician that looses his magic?
75. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
76. What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her?
77. How do rabbits travel?
78. What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
79. Why did the kid stock up on yeast?
He wanted to make some dough.
80. What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?
Give me my quarterback.
81. Why are elephants wrinkly?
Because you can’t iron them.
82. What did the cake say to the fork?
You want a piece of me?
83. How did the two cats end their fight?
They hissed and made up.
84. Why did the strawberry cry?
He found himself in a jam.
85. What’s black and white and read all over?
86. How did the barber win the race?
He knew a shortcut!
87. What did 50 Cent do when he was hungry?
88. What did the nut say to the other nut in a game of tag?
89. Why did an old man fall in a well?
Because he couldn’t see that well!
90. Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he Neverlands.
91. Why don’t astronomers like Orion’s Belt?
It’s a big waist of space.
92. What do you call a hippie’s wife?
93. Why are peppers the best at archery?
Because they habanero!
94. How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow?
It is either one or the udder!
95. What did one plate say to the other?
Dinner is on me!
96. Why do hummingbirds hum?
Because they don’t know the words!
97. Why do cows have hooves and not feet?
98. What do you call a chicken that is staring at a lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
99. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
100. Which bear is the most condescending?
101. Why are spiders so smart?
They can find everything on the web.
102. What do you call a blind dinosaur?
103. How do you make a water bed bouncier?
Add spring water.
104. What job did the frog have at the hotel?
105. What kind of car does an egg drive?
106. What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
107. Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure?
He was a little shellfish!
108. Did you hear about the sensitive burglar?
He takes things personally!
109. When does a duck wake up?
At the quack of dawn!
110. What does a baby computer call his father?
111. What do you get from a pampered cow?
112. Why was the bee’s hair always sticky?
He used a honeycomb.
113. What do you call phoney spaghetti?
Cameron (she/her) is a staff writer for Good Housekeeping, where she covers everything from holidays to food. She is a graduate of Syracuse University, where she received a B.A. in magazine journalism. In her spare-time she can be found scrolling TikTok for the latest cleaning hacks and restaurant openings, binge-watching seasons of Project Runway or online shopping.